Monumentally Busy

OKCupid is a great accessory for the working gal on the go. Complete with iphone app, you will never miss a message from a potential suitor again. Even with these advancements in technology, no geek, nerd or dork has yet to invent a way to date without actually um . . . Dating. Online dating requires some lifting, ladies. How heavy depends entirely upon you.

You have to play the game.

I have really enjoyed our messages that we have shared so far. I think you are cute. I think you are funny, smart and everything else you seem to be. You know my goals, aspirations, history, what I do for a living and I know yours as well. We both want world peace, equal rights, and a cure for AIDS. Now when in the hell are we going to meet? The most obvious thing that I know about you is that you are monumentally busy. With your school work, 8 jobs, and volunteerism schedule, when on earth do you have time to date? You haven’t given me an opening to ask you for a meeting so why are you on here? I read your profile. It says you are single. I read what you like in another human being and I must say, I’m it. You read my profile. You know my likes and dislikes and you haven’t violated any of these just yet. The next logical step would be to meet.

The internet is full of people who want to be desired, and liked, and sought after, but most of these people do not have the energy or intention of actually meeting those who desire them. Ask a lesbian to fix a bike, put a bookshelf together or train a dog and she's there. Ask her for a date on a dating site and it's just crickets.

This is classically evident in messaging women on OKCupid. OKCupid uses a tool called Quiver to basically force you to play the game. They send you three women they have calculated as your potential match per day. The intention is for you to message these women. I set out for a complete month to message every woman in my Quiver. I read their profiles and found a pathway to message them. This “something” was almost exclusively something they referenced in their profile, i.e. music, movies, sports, or hobbies. With this in hand I felt the process couldn't be easier. I mean, what better way to get a conversation going by asking someone to speak about themselves? Women who are so verbose when describing themselves in their profiles become complete mutes when there is a message in their inbox. Why is this?

Out of the 50 women we message during the OK Cupid Chronicles research phase, only 8 responded. When you send a message complimenting the person she wants you to think she is, the silence says one of two things: I’m full of shit or I don’t want to play the game. The key is to get as many people to visit and wink and message you, so you can weed out the incompatibles and find your mate. Women will give your profile a cursory glance and send you an obscenely tardy response to a well intentioned message. Ladies, realize that if you are too monumentally busy to play the game, then you are just clogging up airspace.