The Quickest Courtship Ever

I have always believed in Chosen Family. For me, and a lot of people like me, it was best to choose which people I allowed in my life. I didn't get along with my mom and she died when I was 23. I vowed then that I would be cautious as to who I allowed into my inner circle. It has worked out pretty well so far. I know and love a merry band of misfits and we do not judge one another. We call ourselves the Strays and support each other in the best ways we can. We are all different. We are all a mess. We all love each other without fail. 

I was recently reminded of the last time I told a friend about the Chosen Family choice:

My neighbor growing up in Queens now lives in my neighborhood in Brooklyn. One day, I was walking by and saw her talking to a dude on the corner. I basically grew up with this chick, we went to the same schools, she was raised with an adoptive brother right next door. I was concerned, seeing her with this dude.  I am always in mom mode. I announce it and never apologize for it. It is what it is. I called her over to me and asked her if she was ok. She said yes and explained that the dude is her biological father. She found him. Or he found her. Either way, I left her with one piece of advice. I said "I want you to remember, you are an adult now. You are choosing people and situations in your life. Be ready for them and be careful. At any time, you can say no and call me if you need to." She never called and I assumed everything was fine until she ran into me some time later and told me that dude was rearrested. Oh, I forgot to mention, he was in prison her whole life. She said she soured of the fatherly bond when he began to dangle the "I know where your birth mom is" carrot. She explained to me she didn't actually want to meet her Mother. Even so, I know it affected her. Most adopted kids would be affected. I am not most. She also explained Dad was making up for lost time by sending her a shopping list of all of the things he insisted she buy him so he could be comfortable in prison. She had had it. I was reminded of this story when recent events with Michael made me think "Why am I letting this happen to me?"

A lil about me. I don't do stress. I don't stress about money or work like normal people stress. I have a coworker who stresses about money every minute of the day. That is no way to live. If I get pissed, I devise a solution to alleviate my pissed-off-ness and I'm over it. I'm easy breezy. I like to read. I like independent films. I enjoy my solitude way more than would be considered healthy. I have patience for old people and children and absolutely no patience for stupidity. This, you all know as the reader. This, Michael refused to learn. My temperament  . . So when Michael used my gov'ment name as his alias, I needed time to think. His use of my name doesn't just affect me. It affects my brother, my sister and nephew who are all legal possessors of this name. Not Michael. His complete lack of responsibility in this situation was jarring. When I called him on his shit his response was "you are my sister." I tried to emphasize that his choice of "petty" crimes [his words] will probably result in my getting fired from my State job. He insisted what he did was not illegal and he had to use an alias. I was done. While I was trying to have this serious conversation with him about how utterly fucking violated I felt, he interrupted twice to hit on some young ladies who were passing by him on the street. Fuck. That. Shit. I hung up. I thought about what he just said. He told me in a span of two minutes 1. It's only petty crimes. 2. In reference to using my legal name and address he said "he had to" "he didn't" "oh yeah" and that I'm pressuring him too much. 3. He also said I don't give him credit for not committing felonies and/or being arrested already. He has been out a month.

After this exchange, Michael proceeded to leave me very curious voice mail messages. I'm choosing this? To have this clown in my life who is jeopardizing my job on a daily basis? Who has no fucking care in his body about how he is violating my hospitality, and MY NAME AND ADDRESS! Yeah, that's done. I thought about this long and hard and realized for the last 12 years of my life I chose not to have crazy in my life and in my fruitless efforts to get to know this dude, not only is this crazy, it is dangerous. I told him to come get his shit one day when he called me, quite unapologetically, asking to come over. He made excuses about needing to make two trips. I said absolutely not, thinking back to the voice mail he left which basically said I should praise him for not taking some criminal up on his offer to make $3,000/ day to do god knows what.  He came. He said his shoulder hurt. I told him "I am telling you my feelings [when I spoke to him previously he said I only care about my feelings pertaining to my anger with him using my name. My feelings?] You cannot come here anymore. If I see mail with my name in my box for you, I will burn it. You using my mailbox is not good for me. You coming here is not good for me. When you get your shit together, call me. We can have lunch, but you cannot come here anymore."

So that's how I broke up with my brother. I imagine it was somewhat like having a date from Craigslist. You have no idea what you are getting and it’s not at all what you bargained for. He stalled; he made excuses; he needed to make a second trip. He left a fucking bag full of utter garbage in my house that I just threw away. I could have many emotions at this point, but I don’t. It is not my way anyway. I walked him out. I walked him to the corner. He said "is that all you have to say to me?"  Not an ‘I'm sorry’ in sight. I said “yeah, what do you want me to say?” I knew at that point I was validated in what I needed to do. This dude has been in my life a month. A month where I was paranoid about everything he could think of in his criminal mind to jeopardize my career. It was a month not of my choosing. I reaffirmed to myself that my philosophy is ‘I choose who to allow into my life.’ I would never choose the utter chaos this stranger brought me in the span of 30 days. My actual brother called me and I told him what happened and he said it was all my fault. I knew it was because I chose it.