Impetus to Change/Anonymous Alcoholics

Impetus to Change

My BFF recently went sober. Not New Year’s resolution sober, not wake-up-hung-over-swear-to-god-never-drink-again-sober, but real talk, AA, one day at a time, Sober.  I blame the bitch at the bar.

Scene: Lesbian Meet Up group, socializing over dinner, lesbians of all ages, my BFF.

This chick sits down and orders a coke. My BFF razzes her about drinking a soda, not ordering alcoholic refreshment because they are at a bar and this chick says ‘it’s a restaurant, we’re eating dinner’. Womp Womp. Jesus fucking buzzkill.

The evening continues with this chick keeping my BFF’s company (at the bar), all the while questioning her every move. ‘Why did you just order another beer before you were finished the first one?’ HELLO, it will take the bartender 5 years to make his way back down here, so I pre-emptively ordered a second drink. ‘I don’t get why you keep trying to call people over to the bar for a drink’. UM, we’re Socializing.

The night wears on and my BFF pounds 7 beers like a champ. She’s loud funny crazy wonderful hilarious instantaneous and almost close to drunk. The Meet Up winds down and everyone soberly says their good-byes. My BFF turns to the chick and says ‘so can I get your number?’ She replies, ‘absolutely not’.

Fucking bitch at the bar, impetus to change, dragging one good woman after another down the interminable AA hole.

Anonymous Alcoholics

Musty basement, stale cookies, bad coffee, and 100 cigarettes. Sponsors, and The Walls, and The Book, and no Crosstalk, and every story told a thousand times. Keep coming back it works.

My soul tells me I’m angry.

Addiction makes me angry.

I've never wanted anything as much as I want her to be happy and healthy and positive and well. I will support her sobriety, one day at a time; if you work it it works.  Let Go and Let God. The problem is I can’t understand organized religion. Or organized sobriety. The problem is that someone you love facing their addiction makes you look in the mirror and consider your own.

Despite the distance between us, I will be there for her through every struggle, every stumble, and every hurdle on the phone day or night. I just hope she doesn't hear my wine glass clanking in the background.