10. I promise never to be compelled to take a selfie in the bathroom of my local Outback Steakhouse (or any public restroom).
9. I can’t wear makeup and if I could, I wouldn't, because all natural is hot and no matter how many times I hear I would look pretty with whatever, I’m not convinced. And I like imperfect teeth. Not meth mouth, just teeth that have character.
8. Never judge a book by its cover. I like women. Strong women. Smart women. Short haired women. Athletic women. OPINIONATED women. I don’t care how you dress. Have something to say and we can be friends. Gender expression is not sexuality. Just love.
7. I like to bite… ;)
6. Thou shalt not admit to liking Miley Cyrus. Rihanna is OK because of the, ummm, you know, artistic value of her, errr, videos and the message she is trying to convey. Errrr, yeah, so again no Miley Cyrus.
5. I’m a gay boy trapped in a lesbian’s body. I can’t explain it, but I enjoy the hell out of it.
4. Cleanliness is next to godliness. And I don’t believe in the traditional god, just the god of clean ass. So worship in the shower altar twice a day.
3. I promise no matter how drunk I get, I will never talk about my ex.
2. I do not believe in monogamy. The plus is I never cheat. The minus is I never lie. The bonus is a completely stress free relationship.
1. I will never marry. I know what I would like to wear. I know how I would have my wedding. I envision this all at gunpoint. I believe in love. Soul crushing, all encompassing love. I don’t believe legally sanctioned love makes it sparkle any more than it already does. Love free, live free, fuck marriage.
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