My co-worker likes to play the "If We Were Slaves"
game. If you have never heard of this game, thank god for your blessings. It is
a game I could only conclude was made by an only child who spent summers alone and
wanted to distinguish herself from her imaginary friends. At least once a week
she plays this game to her immense amusement, while I silently weep for the
future. Here goes: "If we were
slaves, we would both be house Negroes, but I [she] would most likely be
confused for an out of state cousin." You get it? We are both fair
skinned, but she is the fairest one of all. This clearly means the world to
her. I would rather be invisible when she says it. At work. To the public. It is funny that she is
obsessed with her lightness and yet everything I do is considered "White
People Shit". I love asparagus.
White People Shit. I asked what I should eat as a black person and the answer
was green beans. I like salad, raw spinach and kale and I sauté instead of
frying. I read everything and do research and love the violin and I don't
listen to rap music. White. People. Shit. The biggest laugh had at my expense
was the word "cutlery". I use
the word regularly as would be expected from someone smart enough not to waste
time saying three words that have been neatly summed up into one. Cutlery. A
huge confused laugh was had. "Who says that?" Who doesn't? What should I have said? "Forks, Knives, and Spoons"? What
idiot would say three words when one has been created to sum it up nicely? This
was also White People Shit, but more specifically, I speak like a white person.
I have heard this all before. Never by
my black friends from HS and college who spoke exactly like me. Dare I meet
people from different parts of NY. This is when I encounter the inter-race
stupidity. I am told I know everything. I
correct them and say I don't know everything. I try to learn
everything and there is a difference.
What’s worse is that everyone assumes I won't date black
people. Some of my oldest friends insist I won't date black people because I “don't
like black people shit." Like when I cringe when some idiot says the word
"nigger" around me. In reality, I like women and I don't care what
color they are wrapped in as long as they are smart and have a good sense of
humor.
I like golf. I love it. My mom bought me an indoor golfing
set after I asked for it when I was nine and I have loved it ever since. I love
tennis. Really love tennis. I mean Monica Seles, Maria Chonchita Alonzo,
Arantxa Sánchez Vicario and not just Venus and Serena. My favorite sport to play is volleyball. I am
a huge sports fan. I like to read. I love music. Are these qualities black
people don't like? I sat every night drinking tea while my family watched
little house on the prairie. My mom, to my dismay, loved westerns. Is this not
black people shit? Or is it people shit, which is probably what my mom would
say about this whole stupid conversation.
No comments:
Post a Comment